Help a Volunteer Out!

Katimavik Volunteers/Participants now have to raise $1,000 in order to participate in the program. Now I don't know about you but it's a BIG challenge for some kids (for a ton of reasons, anxiety, introverts for example) to raise that amount.

Now I know that some people might come across my blog and wonder what they can do for these kids. Well, Let me tell you. If you go to --> HERE <-- you can support the next generation of Katimavikers! As of this post over half of these volunteers have nothing funded (according to their page, obviously I don't know their personal situation). So skip a coffee, ride your bike instead of taking the bus, every dollar helps.

I don't know, maybe you enjoyed my blog while I was away on my Katimavik journey and want to return the favour to someone else, kinda like a pay it forward situation? Perhaps you can donate to these kids with the knowledge that they will have life-changing journeys


Hey, I can give you something exciting? Yes? Does that work. I ask you to fund these new volunteers so I should give you something in return. How about some more stories? (I went through my groups' photos *obviously not all of them*) These all have some more stories that I will share below

Okay, so this photo is just a classic Katimavik photo. It's our first attempt at making bread! We were pretty successful... considering none of us had ever made bread before. We all worked in pairs, and Sterling and Willie named their bread "Bruce Willis". (Also another plug here, the Katimavik alumni are looking to make a cookbook for the new volunteers! If you have recipes from your time you can email them to alumni.ancient@katimavik.org until May 20th, 2018) 

Here are our last fleeting moments in Lethbridge. We presented Erin (our PL) with a card and gifts and such. Willie, Sterling, and Connor wrote her a song, and it was just a super emotional night. I remember just running around like crazy. Just before the bus (the moment that I remember) is that we were all laying on the front lawn with our heads on each other's stomachs and one of us just started laughing and it was a laughter chain. The last few weeks of Lethbridge have to be one of my favourite moments of the program, I felt like I was finally coming into my own and thriving.

We all went to a "fancy" dinner to celebrate our time in Lethbridge. It was at a Chinese Restaurant in downtown (I remember it being across from Galt Gardens). It was weird because we hadn't gone out as a giant group for a while, and it was nice to relax and enjoy each others company for the last few moments.

Here we are in Lake Louise. I am laughing my butt off because Morgan was telling me something about how I was being too serious (I think...doesn't really matter). So he gets down on one knee and starts to pretend to propose to me, keeps pulling my hand/hoodie towards him and I just can't help but laugh and Jills laughing at me. If you notice me red in the face it's because I am awkward in social situations!

This was a fascinating night? Canmore or Medicine Hat (I'm leaning towards Canmore) came to visit so they camped out in our backyard. We all volunteered at the BMX event in Lethbridge that weekend. We had a fire in our fire pit and brought out all these random chairs (can you see our beautiful sofa! We hauled that from the basement!) We made smores, played werewolf (still one of my favourite games), and we just enjoyed being young adults brought together by this weird program.

I picked this one for two reasons. 1) We had races through this giant inflatable maze thing that we were running at the Pumpkin Fest while we waited for the event to actually start. It was so much fun! I liked that we got to actually play with this thing before we had to get down to work. And 2) If you didn't already know, I'm a really white person. So do you see that tan I am rocking? Yes (if not the hints on my hobbit feet where you can see tan lines) well working at Birds of Prey in the sun all summer I wore the same length pants every day. Well...I didn't even think about it at the time and you're probably thinking huh? Well...tan lines are a thing. I had the weirdest tan line on my calf, like a leg farmers tan. It was awful. A year after Katimavik I still had the weird tan line on my leg!

This last one is my absolute favourite! It's blurry like that night. We had a traveling bard type figure named Andre who stayed with us a few nights (I honestly don't fully remember why) and he led us through a workshop. But we all decided to see if we could all fit into one of our bunk beds. Well Helena and I were originally sitting in my bed, and just one by one more people kept coming into the girls' room and before we knew it everyone was packed into my bed! See when kids get bored they come up with weird solutions! So for future reference (take note new volunteers) in those bunk beds, you can fit 11 volunteers, 1 traveling bard, and 1 Project Leader!

I've realized that all of these moments come from our time in Lethbridge...Maybe if I do this again I will focus on Quebec. I have to admit there's a ton of stories that I just didn't have the time or didn't think we're interesting/appropriate.

Donate to the new volunteers!

*Also new volunteers, I am totally 100% willing to answer your questions if you're reading this...I'm a real person that is wanting to help you in any way possible!*

#KatimavikIsBack

WHAT?! I have to admit when I saw the post on Facebook this morning I was a little skeptical. Like I would open it and it would be a twist of the truth like it was back but not really.

Click here for the official announcement of the return of Katimavik
Click here to see the video making the announcement

How do I get involved?! Let's hope that there will be a Katima-house around here. Not gonna lie if I could be a PL (Project Leader) I would immediately. Is that even a remote possibility? Also, can I still use the slang like PL or PSL or Katima-anything?

I'm so excited! This program was an amazing journey for me and I am so thankful that other youth will now get to experience this again.

(Cole, Jazz, Helena and I at Pumpkin Fest September 2011-Lethbridge)

You have left the group.

     Do you ever get this bit of nostalgia? You find a hand-written note with some inside joke, or a Facebook memory from six years ago pops up. For a moment you can relive that memory, all the love, hope, wanting, regret. But its just a moment. You can never have the memory back as whole as it once was. That's how I feel about Katimavik. It's like finding small notes that you had written to yourself but it feels like a stranger wrote these words, and the words seem cryptic. I honestly feel like such a different person than I was when I did Katimavik, but I also feel like I'm standing at the same cliff that I was at before I started the program. That fear of whats next.

(Group 41164 during our first week July 2011 in Galt Gardens)

     Its been far too long. Six years. Let that sink in now. This time six years ago I was sitting in an airport freaking out about meeting my family for the first time in six months, I was crying so hard because I didn't want to leave my Katima family. I started thinking about applying for Katimavik when I was in the ninth grade, and I started just after graduating high school, so about four years. I've been out of the program for longer than I thought about doing the program. It's weird to think about it like that. Time is just weird to me. 

     The band will never be back together. That's my guess. We're all so different now. I haven't talked to anyone in a very long time, I'm still upset with how some things ended with some of them, or I guess didn't end. But will I rectify this? No. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that silence and strangers seem to be the new reality. It's quite sad really but its true. I miss them, but I miss them as I knew them in 2011, who are they now? Okay, that's a bit melodramatic but come on, does creeping them on social media make a relationship? No. I feel like the creepy ex who just sits and cries at their Facebook pages wondering what happened. 

Whats new in my world? In the last year, what have I gotten up to...

(My graduation day!)

     I finally graduated University! I got my Bachelor of Arts as a History major with a concentration in British Studies. I only took out a small loan for my last year of studies because I wanted to be able to volunteer and just not hate my job. It's weird to think that I am the first of ALL my siblings to get a university degree. It still doesn't feel like it happened...like I'm a fraud? Is that weird, I just... it feels like even though I worked so hard and long for my degree it feels as though I have tricked my school into giving me my degree. Like I don't deserve it? LIke ahaha I have tricked you all. It's hard to step back and tell myself that I DO deserve it, that I worked hard and earned it. 

     Maybe the whole fraud thing has to do with the fact that I still cannot find a job within my field. I want to work in a museum or heritage or literally anything historical. Can I find this magic job...No. I've been looking and nothing. It's hard. I want a full-time job, I want to love what I do, I want to believe that my degree will help me with that. It's just hard when you feel like nothing is working for you. I just don't want to have to go back to my terrible old job but the reality is if I cannot find a job soon that might be the most practical possibility.  I know I'm a hard worker, I know that if someone will just give me that chance that I can prove to them that they hired a passionate, driven, and hardworking young woman.

(Graduation Celebration for myself and a volunteer at the Museum)

     I am still working/volunteering at the Pitt Meadows Museum. I love it there so much. I have done some amazing things there this year. The biggest was I got to help create and develop an exhibit for Canada at 150. That was amazing, especially when you get to see all of your hard work pay off in such a wonderful way. The exhibit was based on who we thought were influential Canadians, and all the staff got to pick a few people. I picked Emily Carr, Terry Fox, John McCrae, W.A.C. Bennett, and Pierre Trudeau. I also get to work on the children's programs, I (along with my favourite coworker) get to plan out the Museum Sunday programs. I never thought I would enjoy working with kids so much but its surprising even me. Makes me wonder what would have happened had I worked at the Family Centre in Lethbridge. This museum has been one of the greatest things ever, it's given me a place where I feel like I belong, I love what I am able to do there, and I love being there. This place is creating pretty high expectations for my forever job. I want a career in this.

(The Emily Carr portion of the display for Canada at 150)

     My sister got married this year, my other sister got engaged, and then there's me. It feels like everyone is moving on with their lives except me. I just feel stuck again like I cannot move forward and I don't want to go backward. I felt this way after I finished high school. The whats next? Where is my path headed? Can I do this? Then I left for Katimavik. But now feeling this way again, I don't have the luxury of this magical program again. I have to deal with the real world which isn't brightly coloured with Katimavik optimism.  What do I do now? What should my next step be? I feel so lost. 

                    Where do I go?

                         What does my path look like?

Where will I be five years from now?

     I want to live a life that I can feel proud of, a life that 2011 Keagan would love, a life that I can make my own. I just need to find this light to light my way again. Katimavik was my light after high school, what will be my light after University? I guess we shall see. This isn't really an optimistic note to end on now is it? I'm honestly more lost than I have been in my life. What do I do now? What is right for me? Will I find answers in 2018? 2019? 2020? Is there an answer? My life is a lot of coming to a cliff (Maybe I like that image the best) where every decision seems to change my life completely if I jump, if I stay, but the reality is that moving forward is always inevitable. I'm always moving forward.

Five years

It's weird to think that it has been five years since my Katimavik experience ended. Every time that I try to think about that and wrap my head around that I am not able to. Katimavik changed me. I wouldn't be the person I am today without this program. It helped give me focus, show me what I wanted (mostly) with my life, teach me how to be an adult and a functioning member of society. Katimavik was one of the best moments of my young life. I will end this on a positive note.

September 2011 in front of Lake Louise

Everyone in my group is doing well. Its quite obvious that some have gotten their lives together, and I'm proud of them. I miss them. We interact like most people over Facebook, a like here, a message there, but not much. It's sad. I messed up with my relationship with them. I want to talk to them. I miss them, they understood me but the question is would they understand me now? 

I'm proud of what I have been able to do this year. I left a job that I have hated (four years to get through school) and was able to be a part of a job that I loved. This summer I was lucky and I was able to work at a museum which is what I have always wanted to do. Although it was only for the summer it helped me realize what I want to do. If you want to read what I wrote about that experience you can read it on their blog (http://www.pittmeadowsmuseum.com/single-post/2016/08/11/Keagan-Rocks-the-Collections) Luckily I still volunteer at the museum and am trying to just breathe in and enjoy the experience!

My two best friends and myself this summer

I have finally been able to say that I am proud of where I am heading. 2017 is my year. By the end of 2017 I will be graduating (With a bachelor of art, major in history, with a concentration in British and Irish studies). I have a plaque that is going to be produced for the city of Vancouver (http://citystudiovancouver.com/projects/history/ My video is the Canadian Pacific Railway one), I will have helped produce an exhibit for the Pitt Meadows Museum for Canada's 150th anniversary, I will finally be able to move on from university and start my life (hopefully within a museum environment). It's terrifying, exhilarating, nerve-wracking, exciting, and so many more emotions that I cannot even begin to describe. 

Thank you Katimavik, my life would have no direction without the push that you gave me. I am the first member of my family that will graduate university. I want to experience my country once I graduate, see Alberta again, touch the Atlantic Ocean, visit Ottawa, See Northern Canada).

Katimavik, you are my everything, everyday I think about how much of an impact this program has had on my life. Everyday I think of the people that touched my life during this program. 

41164. I cannot imagine my life without your influence. I miss you.

If you want to find me you can always find me on tumblr ( keagerz.tumblr.com ) and maybe next year I will be writing again. It's nice to be able to reflect on my year, on my life, on where I am going. My life is coming together, I'm working on being happy. I'm working on me.

Are you guys ready to celebrate Canada's 150th?

Positive note.

Donate to Katimavik

https://katimavik.org/en/donate/

You can help donate to help support Katimavik and its resurrection, the best zombie moment of this year! Help a program that has done so much for Canada and its youth!

See y'all in about a month for my once a year life update!

4 years ago...

I came home from Katimavik four years ago today. Now I didn't even know if I would write this blogpost, in my head it's been four years who would want to read it? Would I even want to write it? I don't know if I even have words anymore. I've hit the third year blues in my university career, and its just that slump. But I've been trying to be more productive and active this year, it's difficult when all I want to do is stay in  my little isolationist bubble. I was trying to think of all thats been accomplished and its impressive, once you include all my Katima-mates and myself. Two of them are going through large life changes (Its not my place to say what it is), One graduated university, one went back to university, and it seems like everyone is getting their lives together and becoming productive adults with lives and jobs of their owns. I feel like I'm still stuck but maybe that will change once I graduate from university and find my way in the world. But I finally declared my major yesterday so History major here I go! Maybe I will end up working for the Canadian government with the ministry of heritage.

 I wanted to try to get back into volunteering this year. I've been so focused on school and work and paying for school, that its hard to get out of that mindset. This year I was an welcome leader (orientation) at university. It was really fun and made me miss the weekends in Katimavik that we would group volunteer together. I'm going to continue doing this, and I am trying to be more active and conscious citizen/student.

 I wanted to make jam this year, so my mother taught me how to make it. We picked up local BC produce and made strawberry, raspberry, and blackberries. It ended up feeling very Katimavik and we have plans to extend our canning next year to include things like pickles (my billet in quebec made lovely pickles) and more jam.

This year Justin Trudeau was elected! It was an interesting night in my household as some members of my family were NDP and then the other half were Liberal. I hope that it gives a glimmer of hope towards the return of this wonderful program. I am glad that our voices were heard in this election, and it shows that Canadians can affect change.









My blog always ends up being depressing I find. I relate that I wish I could go back to Katimavik where life seemed easier where this group of friends would never be seperated. In my head it seems that as the years go by we all watch facebook to see whats going on with our friends but we never say "Hey...whats going on in your life lately?" It's just sad. I miss it, but there is no going back to that place. Its just enough for us to remember it and remember what happened. Katimavik is important to those who were a part of it and it helped define us. Now its a matter of moving away from Katimavik being the only thing that defines us. What defines me? Thats a question I'm still working on answering.

Until next year.

We are ghosts of who we once were.

It's been three very long years. I'm about to be an emotional blob, get out while you still can (goodness knows I wish I could). You're supposed to sandwich while writing, good, bad and then good that way readers have something to hook them and then they're emotionally invested hit them with the bad stuff and then follow with more good stuff to lighten the mood. Let's be honest though, if you're reading this you're already invested. I don't need to hook you, I just need to tell you...

                              We are ghosts of who we once were.

Vague personifications of our Katimavik self. It's still under all the changes, underneath is what who we were when we were in the program. Revealing our souls to the ones we love. Time changes us, destroys what we once loved. It's hard not to love someone once you found out who they are underneath it all, their pain, suffering, happiness, pride. The person they are inside...I don't know how to write this. I have pondered, fretted, stressed about how I would bring justice to the third year anniversary of my completion of this program. But this is the year everything blew up in my face.

I found a post on tumblr a while ago that sums up my feelings for some of the things that have happened this year.

How do you know when it's over?
         "Maybe when you feel more in love with the memories than with the person standing in front of you"

I don't even know how to talk about this. I always have words...but I don't...I keep hurting myself by reading the emails she sent me when we were fighting when we first returned home and I was trying to get myself back into the world. (I kept everything). Maybe if I keep ripping open the wound fresh for all to see.. maybe I would hurt myself into...feeling something. I'm the Queen of passive aggressiveness she once told me...but I'm hurting inside and out. If I keep showing myself the bad times maybe it will help...no I'm just an ass hole. I don't know what to say. I have a ruined friendship because of...well I don't know exactly. We weren't besties...It was like meeting a stranger. I kept telling myself it would be like what it was...I was hoping...But two and a half years is a long time. I told everyone that my best friend was coming...And whenever anyone asked me how the visit was it broke me. How do you tell yourself that you and your best friend had changed. How do you come to terms with that? We should have gotten to know each other again, the outside world had changed us and we weren't ready to meet again in person...At least we shouldn't have thought it would be exactly the same as it was. Too much too soon is what I keep telling myself. Is it correct I don't know...I don't know anything...Everyone asks me what now, are you still friends? I don't know...I still care deeply about her...but... maybe I am better being a part of their lives from a distance. Is that selfish? I don't want to get hurt again.

Although that truly broke my heart, we grow up, we fix our wounds and carry on. If we allow ourselves to fall, that is when we are broken.

This is life. Kristen is now attending the same university that I am... I have seen her once. I don't have the motivation to visit people, I can only have so much social time in one day. Most people understand this, but some...some people just think I'm anti-social and a jerk. Willie I have seen that kid a few times when he comes to visit his family in Vancouver. He is amazing, we were writing letters back and forth for a while...maybe I should write him another letter. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and I feel like he gets me. I see him whenever I get a chance. We talk about things that matter to us. My mother says that she likes the way I smile when I hear from him, that I am truly happy when I get letters from him or when I see him. I think she wants me to find happiness like that everyday. Cole and Connor, both live on the west coast and I never see either of them. I don't know why...we all made our choices apparently. I haven't seen Jazz or Morgan or Cedric and I only know bits of their life because of Facebook.  Jill got engaged to Abe. Sterling is working in Alberta still...we all continue and live our lives. I want to believe that if we needed we would be there for each other in a heartbeat.

A quick bit on my life and where I am at right now: I am still attending SFU for my bachelor of arts, thank you Katimavik for helping give me that push. I still have yet to borrow a penny for school, I am lucky enough to be able to budget, work a ton, and live at home to afford that luxury. I do not have the luxury of travel as some of us do, I work to save for school and all of my dreams of travelling are being kept as dreams until I finish my education and have the ability to go out and reach those dreams. We adopted two cats from a shelter because it was always a passion of mine to help animals and adopting seems like a good first step. I know I want to volunteer, but being a full time student and full time worker makes that difficult because my week is always changing. I would love some history volunteer work, I look into museums but where I live makes it hard. I got promoted this year at my work, but I still want job that I will be fulfilled in, not just in it for a pay cheque. I am living my life, I am trying to keep positive happy thoughts. This is my life, its not glamorous running around, but one day I will get to where I need to be and Katimavik helped bring out the best in me.

The crayon box is dead, Katimavik is dead, my friendship with the bestie is dead. Maybe its time to get on with my life... I need to stop being so dramatic. crayon box was a place but now it lives on in everyones thoughts and memories, Katimavik is slowly rising from the ashes, live moves slowly forward.

I am working towards being a person I can be proud of...it's hard work, hopefully it will be worth all of this.

I am trying not to be bitter about things, trying not to be an stereotypical lost twenty something year old, but it's hard. I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want to be...But it's going to be an interesting journey to figure this all out.

Go find adventure!
Keagan. (keagerz.tumblr.com)

                       41164 I am eternally grateful for all you have given me.