Two very long years

“I didn’t realize it, but the days came along one after another, and then two years were gone, and everything was gone, and I was gone.”

 — F. Scott Fitzgerald

So, it's been two years. Two very long years. Katimavik although I am no longer in the program it still affects my life. I'm working on trying to write my "book" as you can see above. It's taking a while but I'm liking how it's looking. It's weird reading this again as I write out my stories and words, it feels as though I didn't write them but I remember stupid little details. I miss them... some days I miss them more than other days. I hate to say this but some days I think about Katimavik and look at our photos and talk to Helena and Willie and Kristen and just get really sad and mopey, then other days I think about Katimavik and nothing... I don't know some days it just makes me so sad and depressed thinking its all over and then other days I'm fine. Weird. But I guess thats with a lot of good things, you have your good memories and bad ones.

So I guess that the big thing that happened this year is that I finally went back to school. My mother was getting pretty distressed that all of her kids weren't going back to school, so I did but I am now grateful that I did. Other than school, I have been truly boring. Trying to work to afford school so I can graduate with little to no student debt, thats pretty much been my life...well that and netflix and tumblr. Seriously my life is pretty weird. All my friends have relationships and I'm just sitting her like I love my laptop...it's my boyfriend. Maybe that will be a goal of mine? To finally experience what it's like to have another human being care so deeply about you...but I guess you cannot plan that happening, I can only wish.

So with my Katima mates...I guess I should write about them. I have no idea what is happening with many of them, I mean I read their facebook but we no longer have our chats. I talk to a few of them Willie, Kristen, occasionally Jill. But I am not fully involved in their lives. Helena is the only one that I know about what's going on in her life. She's living her life and I'm sitting here doing nothing.

Willie did come and see me a few times in the year. I miss that kid, I miss everyone. I just can't exactly bring myself to be like "Hey, let's talk like we used too" it sadly doesn't work like that. I wish I could, but I don't know how they will react to me suddenly being interested. I miss them terribly.

So I still feel very connected with my Katimavik past. It's a part of me completely, I feel like it changed my life. I wear my Katimavik shirt a lot(seriously I'm wearing my got a life shirt as I am writing this) in hopes that I will find more Katimavikers to talk with. I also wear my buttons all the time (which I still have a ton of because I was going to be a recruiter and I haven't gotten rid of them...or given them away to people...) I would love to talk to others about their experience since I can truly relate. I just wanna breathe in others experiences, and just be able to understand how someone feels.

I am now however trying to move on with my life. I am currently attending SFU (Simon Fraser University) I love it there, all my history classes, the teachers/professors. I do wish that I had the social skills however because it would be nice to have one friend. I just can't talk to people so I end up just hiding in a corner and reading. I mean it's nice but not what I truly wanted from university...maybe next semester I will be more outgoing...HA! I am very socially awkward, one of the girls I had class with laughed when I said that and then wanted to "add" me on facebook so maybe I technically have made a friend? That being said it's been two years since I have been in a classroom and two years since I have done homework and everything, it's a lot more difficult than I remember. It's horrible being a straight A student in high school, yet now I mean I get A's and high B's in my first semester of university (which I think it impressive thinking the massive gap that I had and that I have a full time job to try to pay for school) but I still feel that everyone expects me to still be a straight A kid. I love my university, that atmosphere, the classes (the history classes are amazing!), and all the cool things that happen in convocation mall. I'm excited to see what the next semester has in store for me. I am taking a basic French class, I want to be able to speak a second language but...yeah I have never been good at speaking especially in a different language so we shall see what happens.

I still love all my Katimavikers (this was taken from our heart wall, where we posted hearts under peoples names with what we appreciated about them) It's a hard time thinking that this program is "done" I'm hoping that Justin Trudeau will bring it back. Then I will be a Project Leader? Wouldn't that be lovely. Sigh... that would be a lovely career, getting to be part of this program again.

But I guess I will see you guys again in a year. As always you can find me at www.keagerz.tumblr.com I guess this is going to become a thing...I am innately curious, I love finding out what happened to people, the what happened at the end of the story. I mean my story still isn't finished but a year in my life has been crazy wild and amazing. This year has been amazing for me, I'm finally a university kid. Maybe I will be the first person in my family to graduate from a university. I would love to travel. Experience life. I wanna live a crazy and amazing life that no one truly believes was possible. I like to take the side streets of my life, explore every option. That's why I am grateful for an experience like Katimavik, it got me out of my norm. I got to discover who I was and am, that has definitely helped lead me to where I am today. I am happy to be back at university, but I am hoping that before I settle into a career I can travel, live. Breathe in, Breathe out, this is my life and I am glad to have wound up where I am. I am curious to see where this life will lead me.

Thank you Katimavik, 41164.

Down

How do you tell yourself things didn't turn out as planned? Not going to lie, I expected to come home and keep doing Katimavik things, yes I did to a certain extent. My confidence has stayed, my ability to talk to people is slowly reverting back into what it was before, I can still bake bread bagels and buns like no bodies business, I have a sense of being Canadian still, but it's not the same.

Coming home from a scheduled day, to nothing? No job, no real rules, no katima-family, It was weird to say the least. It was awkward when I first came home. Everything was the same but everything was different too. My room was still my room, but it just felt wrong. Where were all the people? You mean this big of a place just for me? Why do I have all of this stuff I don't need it. I got rid of a lot of useless stuff, donated things, cleaned. I wore clothes that hadn't been washed a million times, clothes that didn't have stories, or a million holes.  I ate meals that came out of a box, not made fresh. I didn't go out every night just because. I stayed inside on the computer being a lazy bump on the log. It was...wrong. I wasn't proving that Katimavik was a worthwhile program.

My friends. I felt like I had outgrew them in a way. They had a party for me when I came home, but I just remember sitting there thinking I would rather be in the living room in Quebec with my Katimavik family. They just seemed immature compared to those whom I came to know in Katimavik. There conversations just seemed to be nothing, whereas in Katimavik we had stupid conversations yes, but some nights we would talk about everything. My friends didn't seem to notice that instead of being in the centre of our group I had drifted to the edge and was hanging on there for the life of our friendship. Although I still cling to the wayside they're still my friends, but it's just not the same. Nothing has been the same since Katimavik. My friends and I don't talk the way we used too... some who would tell me everything now barely talk to me. It's hard to say the least.

My family, things are the same with most members. But with my sister, and my brother things are different. Kaitlin and I don't talk the way we used to. Life gets in the way yes, but sometimes I feel she would rather tell everyone but me about her life, it hurts. We used to tell everything to each other but now... it's hard to admit when you drift away from someone. I guess this is what I wanted. I didn't want to lean on my twin anymore, and that's what has happened. We are finally two different people after years of wanting this. But it just feels weird. I don't know if things can ever be the same. Our relationship now is healthier, but it sometimes feels like I have a stranger for a twin. My brother Peter and I are in a better place with our relationship. We used to fight all the time, but now we have a bond. We talk about stupid things, deep things, life. I never expected us to ever be this close but I feel like I can tell him anything now.

I got a job. First with Katimavik being a recruiter which was the best time of my life. Conversations with people who understood me for once. Then I got a real job. Not one that helps animals, or saves the world. I serve coffee at a job I'm not in love with. (It's La Baratte all over again) I get minimum wage, and hate my life. The people there are fantastic though, they make me feel better about slowly dying whenever I'm there.

I've seen some of my Katimavikers, Erin Kelsey Cole and Kristen. Erin when I went to see her new Katimavik group in Burnaby. I taught them how to make bread in their freezing cold house so the bread didn't rise properly. I met Kelsey my penpal (who was in the opposite group of ours) wrote her emails until October when she stopped responding. Saw Cole by himself went to Metrotown talked hugged cried. In the summer I saw Kristen and Cole, it was a nice blast from the past. It made me want to get back into the real world. See people. (See my katimavik group for the people i want to see)

I want to travel. I wanted to be a Project Leader (but now with Katimaviks future up in the air so is that dream alongside it) I wanted to continue being a recruiter for Katimavik (I have pamphlets and buttons and stickers, it was fun) I thought about WOOFING in Alberta, but I know people would be upset if I left again with no plan. I think that's my problem, I have no plan. I've planned everything and now...I'm just sitting here waiting for another thing to fall into my lap. I want to go back to school but I have no motivation. I want so many things but I'm not willing to fight for them right now, I need a kick in the bum to get going.

This year didn't turn out the way I wanted it to but maybe...maybe when I come back and write about this in a year from now it will all be different.

If you're ever curious about where I'm at in my life and cannot wait another year ( keagannagy.tumblr.com ) you can always find me there.

I guess I went through a Katimavik depression, leaving the program is the hardest thing in my life. It changed me as a person forever. I miss it everyday. Katimavik I will make you proud. I will be a better alumni. One day I will proudly say I am a Katimaviker Je suis une Katimaviker

Oh...et ma français est horrible maintenant! Je ne pratique pas maintenant et c'est difficile parce que dans Colombie britannique les personnes ne parlent pas beaucoup de français! Oh mon dieu....un jour j'espère parler la belle langue français, j'aimerais parle en français...

In 2013 Let's choose adventure.

...and learn french? Yes...maybe.

What I wish I could say to them

The credits roll onto the screen, the hero has saved the day. But what happens next? What happens once the cameras stop filming, what happened to our protagonist? Our curiosity hopes for one thing, although reality strikes back hard.

 It's been a year since I got off the plane, back into the real world. The familiarity of family after six months isn't so familiar but you fall back into an old routine. Habits that you broke in Katimavik, slowly creep back into your horizon. I'm a different person yet again. I thought I was one thing when I left for Katimavik, another once I came home, and yet again I am a completely different being. Don't tell me it's all growing up since we know thats boloney. It hurts when you realize how far away you are as a person from who you wanted to be. I wanted to be a superhero, just once...

 I don't know what to say. It's hard to write about having so much potential and just well giving up on it all. I guess that's why I put it off... Here it goes I guess. I am always curious, what happens? When the person walks off the screen, or the pages end, what happened to them? I'm the annoying kid that asks all the questions "why is the sky blue?" "Why do birds fly?" I'm constantly curious. So whenever I find things that interest me and they just end I'm left there sitting dumbfounded. WHAT HAPPENED?! I guess that's why I'm here, what happened to Keagan, to group 41164? Or are we all to disappear without another word?

 Let's start with the group. After everyone went home, we said we would talk and text and call and all that good stuff. Sure, we did for a few weeks, but then time zones got in the way. We realized it was harder to be together when we all live across the country separated by time zones. I dropped the ball. I'm scared of letting people in, I pushed everyone away. I hurt people, I'm ashamed to say that. It was easy with some both of us didn't talk (Cedric, Sterling, Connor) what could we say to each other? Occasionally a Facebook message, an email, but conversation slowed until it stopped. It wasn't a shock. Others hurt a lot more.

 Morgan and Jill, I think about them constantly but I just don't know what to say...the words we never say. We talk stupid things but none of the deep things we used to say to each other.

 Jazz I love her, I tried but life gets in the way. She has school and work, and a bit of a language barrier (I'm stretching that one, her english is as good as mine). It hurts but I still try because I don't want to lose her. She means so much to me.

 Willie, that ginger. I always call him my ginger, but is he still? I mean our friendships still going strong. We write letters and give each other advice. But I avoid skyping with him, I don't want to disappoint him in what I am. I am a failure. (More on that later) Willie's friendship means the world to me.

 Kristen, I'm a bad friend. She's too insanely nice to me (I've said that since Day 1) She texts me, facebook messages me, everything. Yes, I respond but on my terms. I don't know what to say. I don't want to disappoint her, say I just... I have no words and that's the problem. I'm not sure what to say to people. Then I get scared of disappointing the ones I love and then I say nothing at all which makes them wonder if I just don't want to talk. But then when time goes on and I still haven't worked up the courage to tell them I get scared. I don't want them to be mad at me for missing their calls and such. So I start to avoid them, but the vicious circle just continues.

 Helena. I feel like I disappoint her the most. I just can't find the words. Which for me is saying a lot. I always have something to say...but lately I'm just drawing a blank. I don't mean to hurt people, but it's easier to push them away instead of tell them how much of a disappointment you've become.

 But I'm getting better. I'm trying, which is all people can ask of me. I've put my hand out for conversations, but I have to re-establish relationships slowly otherwise they will fall apart again. I miss them all, but its hard to tell them how much you really do need them.

 What's going on in my life? Well that's another story. Grab a cup of tea and get ready.

Long time...

(Just me at Head Smashed in Buffalo when I lived in Lethbridge with the Katimavik program)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzXHNOt4NPI (Our group video for Quebec City)

Just over three months since I have finished the program, but lets be honest it has still stayed with me. I have been lucky enough to be able to do Katimavik recruitement and get paid to talk about Katimavik (before Katimavik it was almost impossible for me to talk in front of a crowd) I still talk to most of my Katimavik counterparts even though we are seperated, one of my best friends is planning on coming out to the wild wild west in the summer, I plan on going out east when I have the funds, Katimavik still is and will always be a part of my life.

My life right now is in a weird place, I signed up to go to school (for education, so I can teach), I have been applying for jobs (I got accepted for one!), I had a goal that when I was 25 I would become a Project Leader with Helena and pay off school but alas...the last thing might not even come true!

Unfortunately...March 29th, 2012 the Federal Budget came out. They cut all funding to Katimavik. Now I have written letters to my member of Parliament, the finance minister, and even the Prime Ministers office. I am so passionate about this program, if it truly gets cut...I was crying so badly yesturday!

My friends I implore you please speak out against the federal budget cutting the Katimavik program, write to your member of parliament (http://www.parl.gc.ca/MembersOfParliament/MainMPsCompleteList.aspx) and please pass this along to your friends as well. Many communites, young adults, non-profit organisations benefit from this program. Show the Canadian government that the youth of this country s…till have a voice, that we still have a purpose. Please send our government a message that they are meant to be a government to help the people, not push their own agendas. Young people might be young right now, but we do grow up. When we start running the country do you want us to cut programs for the elderly or the young people because we are in neither category. We need to keep programs that benefit Canadians in more than just one age group.

The end

I keep avoiding writing this post. Like maybe if I don't write it we will still be together. But it happened. My Katimavik experience that started in a little three bedroom home in Lethbridge, Alberta on July 6th, ended in a four bedroom two bath house in Quebec City on December 16th.

Did the last six months actually happen? Did I really disappear for six months...Did I really just do that?

IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL!

Lets see where this goes.
Morgan our little fiery red head who could never throw out her own gum, badass chick number one
Jill The girl who always removed my splinters, who had so much love for all eleven of us. Always a constant smile and a giggle.
Kristen the beautiful tall blonde. Always so nice to everyone, baking cookies when we had a bad day. compliments to everyone.
Jazz My little crazy columbian, I had a crazy girl love for her. She is so perfect and always smiling. trilingual amazingness, I wish I had the talents of Jazz
Helena Love of my life. Also the best partner dancer in the whole world. The girl who always had a good reccommendation of a book, the great writer (Nanowrimo) The strong willed loud outspoken lady.
Cole The BC hippie. Kind hearted and full of smiles. Always looking down on me (Because he was so tall) laughing all the time, mostly at my horrid jokes
Cedric The lovely frenchie. Adding a little bit of french to our mix, with amazing stories. Always with the hugs...Caring about everyone
Connor We had our disagreements, but he stands by his principles, he gave us our group song. He was a great dj for our group, constantly with his music
Sterling Confidence overload? Always willing to help everyone, might not want people to know it but he is a total sweetheart
Willie My ginger, His smiles, his drawings, his all around amazing personality? We worked together, he knows :)

I entered Katimavik on the edge of adulthood. I was overlooking a cliff that seemed like my future. I didn't/don't know what lies at the bottom of that cliff but it terrifies me. Graduation while most people were excitied to be going to school in the fall, I was terrified of that prospect. School to me seemed like the only plausable option, the only option that I seemed to have. Thats what everyone expected of me. Katimavik changed that. I could grow up, avoid the fears that my future and school seemed to bring. I was 18, I wasn't ready to go head to head with my future. Katimavik saved me from going into school and hating it, dropping out and then never going back. Thank you Katimavik.

I have grown up so much in six months. Although I am still terrified of my future I am now ready to face it head on. Little things changed within me during six months. I no longer refuse to talk to people, I don't look at the floor whenever I am walking I look straight ahead, I stand straighter, silly artificial things. But things on a deeper and emotional level changed as well. I learned how to draw on my own strengths as a person, I learned how to work hard and fufill the needs of others. Most important thing I learned is how to say goodbye. It might hurt and the hurt might stay with you, but that just means that you are leaving behind something that you love, something that you will fight for just to keep, just to see once more. As a young adult I have never had to say goodbye to many people and places in such a way, torn ripped away from the things I loved. My heart yearns and calls out to find a place in a Katimavik house once more.

I worked with amazing people, I fell in love with these people. I poured my heart and soul into Katimavik. In the end, does it matter? I'm done. I'm exhausted, but I must continue on, the weary soldier.



I lived a lifetime in six months. How can I even begin to describe it? Helena and I dancing in the streets, Jazz, Helena and I giggling over stupid internet videos, Willie and I working together, Jill, Morgan and I billeting? Sterling telling me to stop looking at my feet, be more confident! Cedric telling me my french is actually okay.

HOW?

The english language cannot allow me to end this tale properly. Only love can end this tale properly. The love of 11 strangers, pulled together by the random draw of a hat. That's life. We lived a life together. We loved each other, underneath everything it was all just LOVE.


One day I wish to call up all of the members of my group and just whisper into the phone "I have our travel plans".... one day I know we shall meet again. This is not goodbye, it will never be goodbye.

I love group 41164, I know we will find our way back one way or another.

Whats in my future? Gosh, I don't even know. But where would the fun be in knowing? I'm just going to see where the wind takes me.

CHOOSE ADVENTURE

Katima Questions

So this post right now...Im trying to write an end post...its just...well difficult. Its not easy to sum up six months in one pathetic post. I'm trying but I don't know how long it will take to write.

Questions I had for katimavik
What would you bring that wasn’t on the list? Easy, a water bottle and a laundry bag

Anything on the list that you wouldn’t bring? The sleeping bag…well I used mine once. A lot of the people in my group didn’t even bother to bring one. A few people used their sleeping bags every chance they got. For me I didn’t and I wish I had left it at home because it is an awkward size and heft. BRING IT THOUGH!

How is dealing with homesickness? Hard, insanely difficult. I spent the first rotation being a homesick mess…it was only the second one I realized that I should be here and grew up. But then by the end I was just ready to go home

How do you cook for that many people? It’s actually not that hard…you might think it is but it’s not. You get like 7 dollars a day per person (when you billet it’s 10 dollars to your billet family), so roughly just under 500 dollars a week (for everything, groceries, hygiene products, medicine, soap) Just think of stuff you would cook at home, work together.

Is House Managing difficult? No, its not, well it is and isn't...its a lot of work but not difficult if that makes sense. Unless you decide to be a fool and split the kitchen and the rest of the house. Some people in my group one person cooked and stayed in the kitchen the other cleaned the rest of the house. I found it worked way better when you worked as a unit not separately. Also, don’t comment on anyone’s cooking…it is just easier that way. If you don’t like something just go eat cereal

How buzy are you? I found that you are either crazy buzy, or you have so much downtime you do not know what you are supposed to do with yourself! Generally its just five minutes here five minutes there. Nothing major. Although, usually you have free time after work until dinner. At my first placement (birds of prey) I ate dinner right when I got home since I was the last to arrive, but at my second placement (La Barratte) I got home at 4ish and got like two hours of time to kill.

Electronics? I brought a phone and used it a lot it was a great way to keep in contact with my family. I had my parents send me my computer because I really needed it (For writing protocols, using it for my KCC committees) AND A CAMERA! Bring a camera, and lots of memory cards that way you can take tons of pictures and if they don’t turn out great who cares because you have tons of memory cards and space.

Would you do this again?...ask me in a while, right now I would probably say hell no once is enough, but soon I will realize the amazing things that I did.

Did it help you get a life? No, I believe that Katimavik just gives you the illusion that you get a life because they take away all the comforts of your life and then give it back to you at the end of six months. But I do know what I like doing, what I absolutely hate doing now. I do have a clearer head I think, I am ready to go back to school, I have the travel bug out of me for the time being…so it did help in a way.

Was leaving your group hard? Insanely difficult, I live halfway across the country from most of them. It is hard to think I might not see them again for a very long while. (Although most plan on coming to B.C. very soon…but plans change) Some people I never want to see again, others…well we have our plans I cried like a baby leaving some of them, all of us right now are in a state of shock I think.

Where did you go? I went to Lethbridge, Alberta, and Ste-Foy, Quebec (Quebec City!)

What were your jobs? My two jobs were in Lethbridge, Alberta I worked at Alberta Birds of Prey Centre. It was the best placement I could have asked for. I loved it there, I want to go back and just see all the birds that I spent my summer with. It was amazing. My second placement in Quebec City was La Barratte. It was an industrial soup kitchen. Definitely not my cup of tea I can tell you that. But now I have a new appreciation for my friend who wants to be a chef. Its hard work, and definitely not for me. I didn’t enjoy my work there, but at least now I know that and have experience with that type of stuff.

Are protocols really that insane? Yes, they are. A couple of pages of death. I was involved in all three (two of them I had minor parts in) We did three, two in our first rotation and one in our last. Our first one our PL Erin helped us with (it was to go to the heritage acres farm festival and stay the night) I just got to help edit that one. We submitted that one on time (20 days in advance). The next protocol we did was the Banff protocol which Helena and I did by ourselves. We submitted it a week in advance and were very very lucky to even get it approved. That was the most stressful one because people kept yelling at us and getting frustrated. I wanted to yell right back. The third one caused a lot of stress in our group. It was the protocol to Charlevoix in Quebec. It caused a lot of stress because our PL didn’t give us all the information. In the end the protocol for Charlevoix wasn’t approved and we didn’t go.

How was billeting? Okay, here is the deal. I feel like billeting is the chance for my PL to go and give me to strangers with the hopes that my lack of social skills will not be a problem…this is never the case. I am a shy person naturally place me with a bunch of strangers and my awkwardness and shyness is visible from space. In Lethbridge I hated my time there, it was horrible. I wanted to quit billeting a day after arrival. I was alone with a bunch of strangers, I hated it so much! In Quebec City, it was WAY better. I was lucky enough to be placed on a farm (the only con no internet access and I only brought one book) with two other girls from my group. It was relaxing I slept in, I worked on a farm, had delicious tea, was warmed by the wood stoves. It was amazing. I want to billet a kid that way they won’t have to have a horrible time like I did in Lethbridge. Billeting…I really don’t like it. Even with the best family ever that I had in Quebec City, it still wasn’t for me.

Did you learn any French? I feel like I didn’t…but I know I probably did. When we first got to Quebec I refused to go out to buy or do anything. I was worried people would ask me questions in French and I wouldn’t know how to respond. Obviously it got better because I did start going out on my own, and did start enjoying Quebec. I think I learned more listening, but I still think my speaking skills are the same but my compression is increased now.

How was the job in French? Let me see…horrible, stressful, amazing, scary. The first few weeks were the hardest. I thought about quitting and hoping on the next plane home to B.C. It was insanely difficult. There were days where I would just call my sister and yell at her to speak English to me. It got easier over time, I understood a bit more. Could follow directions better, I still couldn’t speak it for the life of me but hey at least I understood. That’s all I could ask for. The job got easier the longer I had been at it, routine had been established. People knew that I was there to help not be some English spy (seriously though, at the start they would glare at me and speak French quicker…really really quickly. Towards the end, they did start talking to me at a nice pace, and politely)

How hard was it to understand your French group mates? For me personally, in my group the French kids spoke amazing English. I seriously used that as a crutch the whole experience. It did not help my French though, and even though I tried it was difficult to speak

Any other questions?

The aftermath

Written in the Toronto aiport waiting for my flight, ONE MORE POST TO COME! Just waiting for the dust to settle

We left the house at 3 a.m. just a group of us. We had to split the trip into 2 teams, airport kids automatically got first trip with three other people. So airport kids (or the western kids) Jill, Cole, and myself got to go first trip along with three train station kids Helena, Morgan, and Kristen. We each had our friends the closest ones in the whole Katimavik adventure with us, Cole with Kristen, Morgan with Jill, and Me with Helena. We were going to leave at 3 a.m. Then the second group consisting of just train station kids would leave once Annabel got back with the van. So we found out this information at around midnight, we tried napping but couldn’t. So we talked about everything we could think of, bullying, eating disorders, seizures, werewolf, Katimavik, our lives, family, everything. Finally the hour of reckoning had arrived. 3 A.M…The house goes to chaos. We decided at that moment we needed a group picture because we hadn’t had one since we had arrived in Quebec City. Then of course the whole first group had to say goodbye to the second group. I said goodbye to everyone just fine, but Jazz…oh my Jazz. I whispered into her ear “jazz..” I swear she could feel the desperation in my hug. The last time we would be together in a while. I hugged everyone one last time, everyone holding on a little tighter pulling a little closer. The last physical touch with my group for a long while. We loaded into the van, tears, happiness, and emotional teenagers. Willie and Connor follow us. Connor closes the van doors saying “Remember No glove, No love.” I ask him if that’s what he really wanted to leave us on. He smiled and shut the doors. As the van pulls out of the driveway one last time Willie and Connor run down the street chasing after the van. Seeing Willie broke my heart…I love that ginger more than words can ever describe. We drive to the airport getting lost as only our loveable Annabel can manage. In the midst of our tears we realize that this is it. The moment we have been waiting for since July, the moment we talked about, dreamed about, feared about, the hour was upon us.
The airport. Otherwise known as the place where Helena broke my heart. We pile out of the van all six of us. Fearful of the endings that we know are about to be delivered. Kristen and Cole –couple since week one, hold onto each other crying and kissing knowing it will be the last time for a long while. Morgan and Jill go off and have a final smoke together, Morgan the rock the strong one starts bawling. Helena and I are left alone…I start tearing up and then we hug. Then the floodgates break through. Helena starts bawling and all of the sudden I am out of tears. This shouldn’t be sad this should be happy right? We should be happy we did it we completed it, We survived. I grab Helena and we start dancing, when Annabel drops the second shoe. They had to go to the train station, time to say goodbye. I hug Helena one more time, go and Hug Kristen who is bawling, and then Morgan misty red eyed morgan. The three of them load into the van, Helena looking at me crying. I can feel my heart sinking as Cole, Jill and myself walk into the airport after waving the van off. Jill and Cole caught a flight at 525 was when they had to be on the plane. More goodbyes, I cry pulling Jill closer one more time. Then all three of us joke about being the western kids, how we will see each other again.
I am sitting now currently in the Toronto airport, underneath telephones. My heart is breaking, I am getting nervous to see my family, I feel like I’m going in the right direction but my heart is empty. I am alone, for the first time in six months. I am alone….

I am alone…

I am a katimavik alumni, I am an adult, I have grown more in the past six months than in high school, I have learned so much, and now I am missed from all parts of canada. I have a home and family in Montreal, Gatineau (QC), Toronto, Waterloo (ON), Kingston (ON), Embrun(ON), Qualicum Bay(BC), and Saskatoon. I am ready to take on the world.

ONWARDS TO MY FAMILY! I WILL BE BACK IN BC BY LUNCHTIME!:)