The end

I keep avoiding writing this post. Like maybe if I don't write it we will still be together. But it happened. My Katimavik experience that started in a little three bedroom home in Lethbridge, Alberta on July 6th, ended in a four bedroom two bath house in Quebec City on December 16th.

Did the last six months actually happen? Did I really disappear for six months...Did I really just do that?

IT DOESN'T SEEM REAL!

Lets see where this goes.
Morgan our little fiery red head who could never throw out her own gum, badass chick number one
Jill The girl who always removed my splinters, who had so much love for all eleven of us. Always a constant smile and a giggle.
Kristen the beautiful tall blonde. Always so nice to everyone, baking cookies when we had a bad day. compliments to everyone.
Jazz My little crazy columbian, I had a crazy girl love for her. She is so perfect and always smiling. trilingual amazingness, I wish I had the talents of Jazz
Helena Love of my life. Also the best partner dancer in the whole world. The girl who always had a good reccommendation of a book, the great writer (Nanowrimo) The strong willed loud outspoken lady.
Cole The BC hippie. Kind hearted and full of smiles. Always looking down on me (Because he was so tall) laughing all the time, mostly at my horrid jokes
Cedric The lovely frenchie. Adding a little bit of french to our mix, with amazing stories. Always with the hugs...Caring about everyone
Connor We had our disagreements, but he stands by his principles, he gave us our group song. He was a great dj for our group, constantly with his music
Sterling Confidence overload? Always willing to help everyone, might not want people to know it but he is a total sweetheart
Willie My ginger, His smiles, his drawings, his all around amazing personality? We worked together, he knows :)

I entered Katimavik on the edge of adulthood. I was overlooking a cliff that seemed like my future. I didn't/don't know what lies at the bottom of that cliff but it terrifies me. Graduation while most people were excitied to be going to school in the fall, I was terrified of that prospect. School to me seemed like the only plausable option, the only option that I seemed to have. Thats what everyone expected of me. Katimavik changed that. I could grow up, avoid the fears that my future and school seemed to bring. I was 18, I wasn't ready to go head to head with my future. Katimavik saved me from going into school and hating it, dropping out and then never going back. Thank you Katimavik.

I have grown up so much in six months. Although I am still terrified of my future I am now ready to face it head on. Little things changed within me during six months. I no longer refuse to talk to people, I don't look at the floor whenever I am walking I look straight ahead, I stand straighter, silly artificial things. But things on a deeper and emotional level changed as well. I learned how to draw on my own strengths as a person, I learned how to work hard and fufill the needs of others. Most important thing I learned is how to say goodbye. It might hurt and the hurt might stay with you, but that just means that you are leaving behind something that you love, something that you will fight for just to keep, just to see once more. As a young adult I have never had to say goodbye to many people and places in such a way, torn ripped away from the things I loved. My heart yearns and calls out to find a place in a Katimavik house once more.

I worked with amazing people, I fell in love with these people. I poured my heart and soul into Katimavik. In the end, does it matter? I'm done. I'm exhausted, but I must continue on, the weary soldier.



I lived a lifetime in six months. How can I even begin to describe it? Helena and I dancing in the streets, Jazz, Helena and I giggling over stupid internet videos, Willie and I working together, Jill, Morgan and I billeting? Sterling telling me to stop looking at my feet, be more confident! Cedric telling me my french is actually okay.

HOW?

The english language cannot allow me to end this tale properly. Only love can end this tale properly. The love of 11 strangers, pulled together by the random draw of a hat. That's life. We lived a life together. We loved each other, underneath everything it was all just LOVE.


One day I wish to call up all of the members of my group and just whisper into the phone "I have our travel plans".... one day I know we shall meet again. This is not goodbye, it will never be goodbye.

I love group 41164, I know we will find our way back one way or another.

Whats in my future? Gosh, I don't even know. But where would the fun be in knowing? I'm just going to see where the wind takes me.

CHOOSE ADVENTURE

Katima Questions

So this post right now...Im trying to write an end post...its just...well difficult. Its not easy to sum up six months in one pathetic post. I'm trying but I don't know how long it will take to write.

Questions I had for katimavik
What would you bring that wasn’t on the list? Easy, a water bottle and a laundry bag

Anything on the list that you wouldn’t bring? The sleeping bag…well I used mine once. A lot of the people in my group didn’t even bother to bring one. A few people used their sleeping bags every chance they got. For me I didn’t and I wish I had left it at home because it is an awkward size and heft. BRING IT THOUGH!

How is dealing with homesickness? Hard, insanely difficult. I spent the first rotation being a homesick mess…it was only the second one I realized that I should be here and grew up. But then by the end I was just ready to go home

How do you cook for that many people? It’s actually not that hard…you might think it is but it’s not. You get like 7 dollars a day per person (when you billet it’s 10 dollars to your billet family), so roughly just under 500 dollars a week (for everything, groceries, hygiene products, medicine, soap) Just think of stuff you would cook at home, work together.

Is House Managing difficult? No, its not, well it is and isn't...its a lot of work but not difficult if that makes sense. Unless you decide to be a fool and split the kitchen and the rest of the house. Some people in my group one person cooked and stayed in the kitchen the other cleaned the rest of the house. I found it worked way better when you worked as a unit not separately. Also, don’t comment on anyone’s cooking…it is just easier that way. If you don’t like something just go eat cereal

How buzy are you? I found that you are either crazy buzy, or you have so much downtime you do not know what you are supposed to do with yourself! Generally its just five minutes here five minutes there. Nothing major. Although, usually you have free time after work until dinner. At my first placement (birds of prey) I ate dinner right when I got home since I was the last to arrive, but at my second placement (La Barratte) I got home at 4ish and got like two hours of time to kill.

Electronics? I brought a phone and used it a lot it was a great way to keep in contact with my family. I had my parents send me my computer because I really needed it (For writing protocols, using it for my KCC committees) AND A CAMERA! Bring a camera, and lots of memory cards that way you can take tons of pictures and if they don’t turn out great who cares because you have tons of memory cards and space.

Would you do this again?...ask me in a while, right now I would probably say hell no once is enough, but soon I will realize the amazing things that I did.

Did it help you get a life? No, I believe that Katimavik just gives you the illusion that you get a life because they take away all the comforts of your life and then give it back to you at the end of six months. But I do know what I like doing, what I absolutely hate doing now. I do have a clearer head I think, I am ready to go back to school, I have the travel bug out of me for the time being…so it did help in a way.

Was leaving your group hard? Insanely difficult, I live halfway across the country from most of them. It is hard to think I might not see them again for a very long while. (Although most plan on coming to B.C. very soon…but plans change) Some people I never want to see again, others…well we have our plans I cried like a baby leaving some of them, all of us right now are in a state of shock I think.

Where did you go? I went to Lethbridge, Alberta, and Ste-Foy, Quebec (Quebec City!)

What were your jobs? My two jobs were in Lethbridge, Alberta I worked at Alberta Birds of Prey Centre. It was the best placement I could have asked for. I loved it there, I want to go back and just see all the birds that I spent my summer with. It was amazing. My second placement in Quebec City was La Barratte. It was an industrial soup kitchen. Definitely not my cup of tea I can tell you that. But now I have a new appreciation for my friend who wants to be a chef. Its hard work, and definitely not for me. I didn’t enjoy my work there, but at least now I know that and have experience with that type of stuff.

Are protocols really that insane? Yes, they are. A couple of pages of death. I was involved in all three (two of them I had minor parts in) We did three, two in our first rotation and one in our last. Our first one our PL Erin helped us with (it was to go to the heritage acres farm festival and stay the night) I just got to help edit that one. We submitted that one on time (20 days in advance). The next protocol we did was the Banff protocol which Helena and I did by ourselves. We submitted it a week in advance and were very very lucky to even get it approved. That was the most stressful one because people kept yelling at us and getting frustrated. I wanted to yell right back. The third one caused a lot of stress in our group. It was the protocol to Charlevoix in Quebec. It caused a lot of stress because our PL didn’t give us all the information. In the end the protocol for Charlevoix wasn’t approved and we didn’t go.

How was billeting? Okay, here is the deal. I feel like billeting is the chance for my PL to go and give me to strangers with the hopes that my lack of social skills will not be a problem…this is never the case. I am a shy person naturally place me with a bunch of strangers and my awkwardness and shyness is visible from space. In Lethbridge I hated my time there, it was horrible. I wanted to quit billeting a day after arrival. I was alone with a bunch of strangers, I hated it so much! In Quebec City, it was WAY better. I was lucky enough to be placed on a farm (the only con no internet access and I only brought one book) with two other girls from my group. It was relaxing I slept in, I worked on a farm, had delicious tea, was warmed by the wood stoves. It was amazing. I want to billet a kid that way they won’t have to have a horrible time like I did in Lethbridge. Billeting…I really don’t like it. Even with the best family ever that I had in Quebec City, it still wasn’t for me.

Did you learn any French? I feel like I didn’t…but I know I probably did. When we first got to Quebec I refused to go out to buy or do anything. I was worried people would ask me questions in French and I wouldn’t know how to respond. Obviously it got better because I did start going out on my own, and did start enjoying Quebec. I think I learned more listening, but I still think my speaking skills are the same but my compression is increased now.

How was the job in French? Let me see…horrible, stressful, amazing, scary. The first few weeks were the hardest. I thought about quitting and hoping on the next plane home to B.C. It was insanely difficult. There were days where I would just call my sister and yell at her to speak English to me. It got easier over time, I understood a bit more. Could follow directions better, I still couldn’t speak it for the life of me but hey at least I understood. That’s all I could ask for. The job got easier the longer I had been at it, routine had been established. People knew that I was there to help not be some English spy (seriously though, at the start they would glare at me and speak French quicker…really really quickly. Towards the end, they did start talking to me at a nice pace, and politely)

How hard was it to understand your French group mates? For me personally, in my group the French kids spoke amazing English. I seriously used that as a crutch the whole experience. It did not help my French though, and even though I tried it was difficult to speak

Any other questions?

The aftermath

Written in the Toronto aiport waiting for my flight, ONE MORE POST TO COME! Just waiting for the dust to settle

We left the house at 3 a.m. just a group of us. We had to split the trip into 2 teams, airport kids automatically got first trip with three other people. So airport kids (or the western kids) Jill, Cole, and myself got to go first trip along with three train station kids Helena, Morgan, and Kristen. We each had our friends the closest ones in the whole Katimavik adventure with us, Cole with Kristen, Morgan with Jill, and Me with Helena. We were going to leave at 3 a.m. Then the second group consisting of just train station kids would leave once Annabel got back with the van. So we found out this information at around midnight, we tried napping but couldn’t. So we talked about everything we could think of, bullying, eating disorders, seizures, werewolf, Katimavik, our lives, family, everything. Finally the hour of reckoning had arrived. 3 A.M…The house goes to chaos. We decided at that moment we needed a group picture because we hadn’t had one since we had arrived in Quebec City. Then of course the whole first group had to say goodbye to the second group. I said goodbye to everyone just fine, but Jazz…oh my Jazz. I whispered into her ear “jazz..” I swear she could feel the desperation in my hug. The last time we would be together in a while. I hugged everyone one last time, everyone holding on a little tighter pulling a little closer. The last physical touch with my group for a long while. We loaded into the van, tears, happiness, and emotional teenagers. Willie and Connor follow us. Connor closes the van doors saying “Remember No glove, No love.” I ask him if that’s what he really wanted to leave us on. He smiled and shut the doors. As the van pulls out of the driveway one last time Willie and Connor run down the street chasing after the van. Seeing Willie broke my heart…I love that ginger more than words can ever describe. We drive to the airport getting lost as only our loveable Annabel can manage. In the midst of our tears we realize that this is it. The moment we have been waiting for since July, the moment we talked about, dreamed about, feared about, the hour was upon us.
The airport. Otherwise known as the place where Helena broke my heart. We pile out of the van all six of us. Fearful of the endings that we know are about to be delivered. Kristen and Cole –couple since week one, hold onto each other crying and kissing knowing it will be the last time for a long while. Morgan and Jill go off and have a final smoke together, Morgan the rock the strong one starts bawling. Helena and I are left alone…I start tearing up and then we hug. Then the floodgates break through. Helena starts bawling and all of the sudden I am out of tears. This shouldn’t be sad this should be happy right? We should be happy we did it we completed it, We survived. I grab Helena and we start dancing, when Annabel drops the second shoe. They had to go to the train station, time to say goodbye. I hug Helena one more time, go and Hug Kristen who is bawling, and then Morgan misty red eyed morgan. The three of them load into the van, Helena looking at me crying. I can feel my heart sinking as Cole, Jill and myself walk into the airport after waving the van off. Jill and Cole caught a flight at 525 was when they had to be on the plane. More goodbyes, I cry pulling Jill closer one more time. Then all three of us joke about being the western kids, how we will see each other again.
I am sitting now currently in the Toronto airport, underneath telephones. My heart is breaking, I am getting nervous to see my family, I feel like I’m going in the right direction but my heart is empty. I am alone, for the first time in six months. I am alone….

I am alone…

I am a katimavik alumni, I am an adult, I have grown more in the past six months than in high school, I have learned so much, and now I am missed from all parts of canada. I have a home and family in Montreal, Gatineau (QC), Toronto, Waterloo (ON), Kingston (ON), Embrun(ON), Qualicum Bay(BC), and Saskatoon. I am ready to take on the world.

ONWARDS TO MY FAMILY! I WILL BE BACK IN BC BY LUNCHTIME!:)

With two days left

I do another blog post. But to be exact its actually like 43 hours. Scary...six months gone, and now the moment we have talked about since July 6th is coming crashing down upon us. These 11 strangers have become a second family to me, and the reality is that we will probably never be a full group again. Scary to think. We survived. All 12 of us, we've heard stories about groups being 8, 7, and even 5. In all reality my group should be less, we've had many close calls, many people wondering why they were here, but now its practically done. The end of this work week I will be home. Home, a foreign word now, I've had two amazing homes within the past six months

My lovely lethbridge house:

A lovely small town. My great aunt lives there, and I got to meet her and realize how amazing my family is. I got to work at an amazing job. I had a horrible billet experience, but thats life nothing turns out the way we want. I met some amazing people, people who touched my heart. Fell in love with the flatlands of the praries. I want to go back to Lethbridge again. I grew up so much there, and leaving hurt. But thats all part of growing up

My Quebec City Experience:

I didn't fall in love with my house here. It was just a place where I rested my head at night. So a picture of the loves of my life. Me, Jill, Joelle my billet, and Morgan. Billeting was the best experience here. I had a job that I didn't like but survived. I had the best time of my life rediscovering people that I thought I knew. Quebec City, you challenged us but we survived. We survived.

Now in less than 48 hours I will catch a flight home with my two suitcases, and my backpack with a sleeping bag. I will cry for leaving my family behind, but I will be happy to see the family that I have missed for so long

Just a little ketchup

Oh how punny, but seriously. A little Catch-up on our lives in the Katimavik Ste-foy, Quebec house.

Annabel left us, Laura came for two days (Monday and Tuesday) she left, and then Gabrielle came for two days as well (Saturday and Sunday) and now Annabel is back as of today.

We have a lot of stuff left to do with only ten days of the program. I am currently translating a timeline which my lovely dictionary-I mean friend Helena who will help me correct afterwards. Mme. Saucier would be so proud of me...so proud of me...

MUSICALS! Yesturday it ended with me singing on the table and doing a duet with Willie. We just started singing about our lives and then it just kept going and going. It was a lot of fun, and I think jumping up on the couch and singing Morgan a love song scared her half to death. It just kept getting worse and worse, the worse it got the funnier it got. At the end it was scary to watch. But it was fun, making songs off the top of your head. Gosh, I love my group.

I have four days left of work (Wednesday, Thursday, and Monday and Tuesday) Fun, not really. Some guys at work have just found out my french is horrible and that I get flustered when they speak rapid French to me. They now find it funny to find me when I am working and say stupid things in English and French. Great... They asked me if I was from England today...No, I'm from Canada...WHAT?!?...yes, canada...like where in canada...british columbia...wow. Yup, gosh I hate my job there, like the people hate the job, there is a huge difference!

Friday our CCP (Collective Community Project) we're building compost bins for La Barratte. Fun times, except at this moment we have no materials to build this with. Fun. I doubt it will happen but I am crossing my fingers, why didn't we get someone who could properly plan things like this on the committee!? We're also going to give them a workshop on Composting during the next week.

I have a sneaking suspicision that my english is deteriorating...very painfully slowly. Being in the french land isn't helping. Ah well, blogs are supposed to be written the way you would talk to a friend, and I guess this is the way I would talk to a friend of mine.

My mind wanders maybe thats why I chose Katimavik.

7 days left (Back in BC at 1pm on the 16th)

Adventures in Blood Donation

FLASHBACK: I tried to donate Blood in Lethbridge, but alas they could not find a vein. So here is a picture of me trying.

Flash FORWARD!!:


Well not so in lovely Quebec. Our whole group (minus Sterling-still bitter about being poked in both arms and them not finding a vein, Helena-because she lived in Europe for more than six months in the past three years, and Jill- low iron levels) everyone donated! The adventures just keep piling up from there. Morgan, Willie, Cole, Kristen, Gabrielle(Our lovely interim PL, WHO IS AMAZING! Works in communications with Katimavik), Jaz, and Cedric all get through fine...Connor almost passed out when they tried moving the needle to get blood out, none came though. So he got a cold cloth. No one really wanted to go and give him comfort, so Cedric was stuck with that goat. (Goat, I have no idea)

You're probably wondering about yours truly.
*slightly graphic, those who do not like the mention of vomit might want to avoid this part*

Well I donated blood too, near the end I got a freakishly disgusting feeling, like I was about to hurl. It was gross, I look up at Helena, Jill and Morgan (Who sat with me because I was the last one to go and also cause they like me-refer to connor who just had cedric) "Hey guys I feel naseous" Them: "TELL THE NURSE"
Me: "She doesn't speak english!" Them: "SHE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU ARE GOING TO BARF". Now at the mention of barf, the lovely soldier Helena (who is a real trooper you have to understand) ran for cover and surrendered just like the french army. I just keep repeating "get me a bucket, or I will barf on the floor, a bucket, a bucket, barf, floor..." no longer forming sentences, my cries went unheard. Finally a lovely nurse gave me a bag (which at this point was useless, not because I made a mess but because the feeling of naseous-ness had gone away) before I knew it I was laid further back and a cold cloth placed on my warm forehead. The only thing I was concerned about was "Did they get enough blood", like the people who race and pass out during the middle of it and ask if they won. The rest of the day I felt gross, so I bought chocolate and nursed my pain. Luckily for me Jill took over house managing for me that evening. (LOVE THAT GIRL!) Jill was also worried for me she took a bunch of pictures of "the incident" (cue dramatic music) and of how pale I went. She isn't here right now (went home for a few days, personal reasons) but I will steal her pictures of it when she returns! So the rest of the evening,
chocolate + my bed + tea + sleep = happy Keagan once again
(I love tea so much, Katimavik hasn't helped that addiction, made it WAY worse)

Morgan. Poor Poor Morgan. She donated just fine. Wanted a cigarette really really badly. Waited the hour that was reccommended and then smoked half a smoke. She walked into the house and without even taking her jacket off passed out. Great. She was out for apparently 10 seconds (insert clip because I wasn't there, I went to go and get my chocolate!) She had a headache the rest of the day. Went to the hospital found out she has a mild traumatic brain injury (just a bump on the head) told us to watch her. Poor Morgan. Ah well, shes all better now.

Anyways. That is the adventure in blood donation. Always fun. Next time I will donate I'm going to see if there is a way to feel less gross. January is the next time I can donate. I reccommend you to do the same. It doesn't hurt:)

Now I am going to make me some tea. Have a great week!

I need to think of cool titles

HAHA nope, its too early in the morning to do that silly! But I promised you pictures...but I warn you these are random and are in no particular order. You may or may not remember me posting about them.

Us at the christmas parade. Annabel is in the pink jacket...I miss her. It's weird not having her living with us. But she will be back...right? I hope so!
Here is Willie and Jaz, oh and in the corner is Helena. At the christmas parade. (Vancouvers parade is better! But hey I have a bias!)
Jaz and Sterling when we went to the SPCA. Awe, aren't they cute?
Cole and Kristen here. This is such a nice picture! So happy with it. I should be a photographer (insert hearty laugh here)
Oh yours truly. I usually don't like dogs, but this little munchkin was just too adorable to say no too. As you can see by my abnormally happy face.
JILL! I love jill. That is an awkward sentance, ah well. This dog is massive and adorable. It liked to run around the grass lot and do back flips and...(i am joking about the backflips, but it was very energetic)
Morgan here with the cute little puppy. Awe, adorable. I love how bright her hair looks.

Us on our gender bend night themed dinner. Beautiful. Look at those mutton chops on the little one with the hat! Oh and the dress the blonde one is wearing. MY GOODNESS WE"RE LOVELY!

Project Leader Madness with a dash of house manager craziness

So this has been a crazy hectic and equally terrifying week in our Katimavik house. We haven`t had a Project Leader for almost a full week now. But here is the low down on our house right now mes amis (You can see that french isn`t going to waste on me)
So Monday Cole (other BC kid) and myself started our epic house managing week. We didn`t know how we were going to go grocery shopping, but then we find out Laura a PSL from the Saguenay area (I have no idea...yeah) is going to be with us. She came at around two oclock and that is when we went grocery shopping. She stayed with us until Tuesday

Wednesday no leader. We went to the YWCA to help set up for their fundraiser that they were having. Fun times...not really five of us went one hour early (including myself) and helped load donations into the van, in the hopes that we would be able to finish with that. Not quite the case. We had to go and help the others unload the boxes and then also set up all the tables and such. Cole and I ended up leaving an hour and a half before it was finished because otherwise we would have fallen WAY behind on all the things that we have to do as a House Manager.

Anyways, it also ended up me calling out a boy for being lazy (I have fought with said boy in the past-no names for obvious reasons) Our group agreed with me that he was being lazy, said boy walked off leaving the volunteer event and threatening to call our Project Coordinator to get us all written up with CTI`s (Commitment to Improve) We didn`t take to kindly to this and called the PC ourselves and explained the situation. Then we had a group meeting where we discussed his laziness, and him not listening or respecting anyone in the group. We questioned him as to why he hadn`t gotten anything worse than a verbal warning (He`s said rude things, people have talked to the PLs, he has a negative attitude, doesn`t take his fair share of the work, and so on and so forth-getting the picture?) The boy listened without listening, and it`s just frustrating knowing that even when we say things to him he doesn`t care enough to listen to us. In the end our chat resolved nothing, and our PL`s seem not to notice, and don`t listen to our cries. It surprised me that said boy is still here, he doesn`t even seem to want to be here. The rest of our group is as happy as a clam, but him...he just...I don`t even know what he is doing here anymore.

Thursday-We volunteered at an event where we collected money for Christmas hampers. On street corners, insert tons of jokes about how we look like prostitutes (hey, we`re teenagers) Helena, Jaz, Jill, and I were on one corner, and we were dancing waving and smiling at cars. We listened to music on Jazs phone and just had a good and happy time. The only negative was that we had to get up at five a.m. and then bus at five thirty. We worked until nine and then everyone else had to go to work afterwards. I felt bad for them, but hey I had to house manage after that!

Two weeks left of the program. Personally for me I feel like no one cares anymore. That we`re just coasting until we reach the finish line. We`re all checked out and no one wants to be here now. It is sad you would have thought that after living together for almost six months there would be more of a connection.

Travel plans as well today...always fun. Except I am not flying with the other BC kid. I fly alone the whole way...Great (notice the increased sense of sarcasm?) Jill-SK and Cole-BC fly together to toronto an hour before I do, and then they split up and take plans to their home provinces just before my plane lands in Toronto (From quebec city) so I am alone from start to finish. Everyone else in my group is taking the train (Via rail) back to their homes (Mostly ontario and three quebec kids)
Plane leaves quebec for toronto: 6:35
Plane lands in Toronto: 7:59
Plane leaves Toronto: 11:00
Plane lands in Vancouver: 1:07

So I am home in two weeks. I tell my mother I will see her in two weeks and it sounds weird...but honestly I am ready to go home.

NEXT POST: I promise you will have more pictures...its just I find it useless to take pictures when we aren`t happy. So I will steal them from other group members and place them on my blog. Darn the lack of pictures

TWO WEEKS?!?!?!