9 years and counting

 Okay, hold up. This year has been absolutely nuts, and for even surviving it we deserve all of the praise. I don't care if all you did was survive this year, we're living through a pandemic. I know this year has been hard. I know next year will be hard. I know that it doesn't seem like this but in a few years Covid won't even seem real anymore. That's the hope isn't it.

(My Quarantine Birthday in May)

What did I do this year? This has been the worlds longest and shortest year ever. I was going through the normal year, working at my non-profit part time and just riding the waves. Then March hit. I feel like everyone knows that feeling. Being told that you no longer have a job. I haven't not had a job since Katimavik ended. That's a weird sentence. I was lucky, I was able to return to work in late July after having been laid off in March. It was weird being off that long, like I felt like I should have been productive but I could barely find the motivation to function as a human. That is where I find my camaraderie with others. The feeling of hopelessness, lack of motivation, and just what next. I didn't know, I still don't know what's next. It's honestly like trying to live through the waves right now. I can't even see my identical twin sister, we haven't been apart this long since again Katimavik.

(Setting up social distance signs at work)

This year I had goals and plans yeah, but honestly at this point, I survived a year in a pandemic. I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to accomplish that. I struggled with a lot of things this year in relation to the pandemic but I'm still here. Maybe I can have my hot girl summer next year, or the year after that.

(At the pumpkin patch before lockdown restrictions came down like a hammer)

I don't want to sound like I'm bitter. This year hasn't been the year any of us predicted but I did have a lot of small victories if I look back. I PAID OFF MY STUDENT DEBT, I'm moving out of my parents house next month, I started baking breads and such like in Katimavik, I started greatly appreciating the small moments with people when I got them, I learned what I need versus what I want, I learned that I can live in a pandemic (not well, but I can live), I learned that for an introvert I do crave a lot more human interaction than I previously thought.

I'm still thinking about 41164. One got married and bought a house?! Another bought a house?! One is very active politically and vocal about what they believe in. Thats just on the surface what I get to see. I hope they are doing well. I miss them a lot, and this year has made me think a lot about them. It also makes me wonder how the new Katimavik groups have been fairing during this crazy year.

Thank you 41164, for still 9 years later giving me memories and a shining example of the person that I want to be and put forward into the world.

Next year will be 10 years since the program ended. That's absolutely mad. (I am still thinking of dropping everything to become a Project Leader...one day).

Find me as usual on instagram if you wanna see more of my face @keagannagy

2019! 8 years since it all ended.

Holy crow! It's been 8 years since Katimavik ended. Usually I have been thinking about what I am going to be writing here in November. This year, I just couldn't, didn't? I don't know why I just couldn't bring myself to write anything.

(My friends and I celebrating our birthdays in May 2019)

My life has been the same. I've been working at the same non-profit which is the Pitt Meadows Museum. I absolutely love it, and I wish that I could do it full time, but the joys of non-profits are that  they never have all the funding you wish they would have. I got to write an article for our local newspaper ( https://www.mapleridgenews.com/community/looking-back-wellington-harris-lent-his-name-to-pitt-meadows-road/ ), I mostly run the museums facebook page writing the Memory Lane Mondays and the Artifact Out of the Box posts, I help run the Museum Sunday program which is where we get to do crafts with little kids, and I get to do all the scanning, accessioning, and other daily museum tasks that need to be done. Damn, does the Morrin Centre wish they had me as their volunteer now?!

My family life has been crazy too. My twin got married to my best friend and graduated university, my sister had a baby, my brother proposed to his long-time girlfriend. Babies and relationships are still waiting for me in the horizon I hope, but I have to work on myself first. I also have to improve my self worth as well.

The Katimavik family has had a lot of crazy things happen, baby, proposals, all of that good stuff. Haven't been fully part of it except via facebook. I wish we were more talkative but we aren't, that okay I suppose. 

I was thinking what I could do to have my blog be more positive, and for me to think about all the good things that have happened to me. When I found the weird ten year challenge it made me realize that I have done a lot in the past decade.

(2019-taken in May 2019 and 2009-taken in January 2009)

What have I done in the past decade?

-Participated in the Coquitlam Outdoor School Term (C.O.A.S.T.) where we did things like camping trips (including winter camping), a biking trip where we did 60 km in a day?!, hiking the Devils Staircase, ocean kayaking, Canoeing the circuit of Bowron Lakes, being a summer camp leader-2009

-Graduated High school with honours-2011

-Participated in this crazy program called Katimavik - 2011

-Worked at SnotroH Mit for four years to pay off the majority of my degree - 2012-2016

-Graduated University with a degree in History and concentration in British Studies-2017

-Worked at the Pitt Meadows Museum and Archives - 2016-currently

There has also been countless other adventures that I couldn't even start to name and describe. 2009 me was 15/16 years old looking onto the expanse that was my future and had barely even started dreaming of Katimavik. I didn't know where I wanted to go or do, now I know what I want to do with my life and have my foot in the door (MUSEUMS!!). I mean the other pro is that my face finally figured out it didn't want to be a pizza anymore 😂. I still have a lot of learning and growing to be and 2009 Keagan would hopefully be proud of me? I want to keep getting better and being the better version of myself. It takes a lot of effort but in the end it will be worth bettering myself. 

Onwards to 2020!

Find my daily life on instagram @keagannagy

Seven Years (Seven is a lucky number right?!)

Can you believe it’s been seven years since I came home from Katimavik?! I did it, I had conquered the world in a way only little 18-year-old me could think. I had lived with 11 strangers who became a family, I lived away from my family in two different provinces for longer than even I thought possible, I thought I was a ready-made adult ready to take on the real world. Oh, Boy was I sure wrong.

(A picture of me on Katimavik colours day- January 26, 2018)

It's that funny thing, once you have done something you originally believed to be so impossible, you have a sort of power. You believe in yourself, hold your head up a little higher, relish in small delights and triumphs, Katimavik taught me many things and I am eternally grateful for all of them. Let me be clear, I do not think I would be where I am without Katimavik, that program was insanely beneficial to me and I hope that more youth can have the opportunity to be a part of it, to "get a life". However, when life keeps seemingly kicking you down, you wonder if you made the best of your opportunities. You always seem to appreciate things more once you have left them forever, perhaps it is because it touches you in such a way that you are never able to fully comprehend and one day you realize how important it was.

What have I been up to since last year?...Hmm it feels like nothing. The eternal job search, to find something that calls to me and that I would be able to love and have a joy to go to work every day. I am lucky that the museum that I still work at does that for me, unluckily for me is the fact that it is only part-time and I cannot survive on three days a week and be an adult. I mean I have to eventually find my place in all this, right? Katimavik taught me that if I can just do something that makes a difference in the world or even one singular person I will be happy. I just want a job that allows me to be passionate, to be creative, to feel valued, but I suppose that is what everyone wants. Hopefully this time next year I will be writing about finding my place, finding a job.

I haven't heard much from 41164, but their lives are trucking along. I get to glimpse it from afar on Facebook. It's hard, seeing photos of them smiling and living their lives and realizing that I will probably never get to be a part of that again. I want to be. I used to know these people so intimately that we were like siblings, now? Now I don't even know what makes them happy, what drives them, what pushes them. I miss it. Willie, Cole, Cedric, Sterling, Connor, Morgan, Kristen, Jill, Helena, Jazz, what are they up to? Do they miss me? I just hope they're all happy, and from my small glances it seems like they are, but social media also distorts reality so who knows.

My personal life had become a shit show too. I started dating, and that blew up in my face. He seemed nice but everyone around me hated him and he became so toxic. It wasn't healthy, it was alienating and I let it be because I was just tired of being lonely. Loneliness and feelings of unworthiness are such powerful emotions that often whitewash the reality of situations.  I'm still looking to find my place, and who wants to be a part of my life. It didn't end so well, but hey at least I learned who my true friends were. The first red flag should have been that he was jealous of Willie, like who could be jealous of him? He saw letters that I have kept that Willie wrote and drew, and then got jealous, possessive and competitive. I just never think of myself as someone worth having, but I just need to work on that before I try bringing someone else into my life. Maybe I just feel like I'm falling behind. All my friends are engaged, and my twin sister is getting married next year. So it's just this feeling of everyone seemingly getting their lives together and mine is still just pieces that I am trying to figure out how they all go together.

2019. I hope it is a better year. It has to be. Right? My sister is getting married, graduating from university, and moving out with her fiancee, and I am still here. But you know, I just have to keep facing forward and pushing through. Life is hard but with the right people, I can create a good life and one that I enjoy living. I just need to bring back some Katimavik magic into my life. That sounds like a great solution, I need Katimavik ideals back into my life. What would 18 year old me tell 25 year old me? That's how I want to live 2019, making 18 year old me happy.

(My sister, her fiance, and myself-Yes, I went through the "I have no idea what to do with my life, let's chop off all your hair" phase)

As always, you can donate to the newest Katimavik volunteers and help fund their own journey here (https://katimavik.org/en/its-better-together/support-a-katimavik-volunteer/ ) They're going to write stories of their own, and if you can be a small part of that story and do some good then why wouldn't you?

2019, I want it to be bigger and better. I want to live up to my own dreams, I want to be proud of myself and have more confidence. I want to be true to myself and not to anyone else. It's going to be hard, but I have worked too hard to just lie down and let myself go. 18 year old me has to give me a kick in the butt. Onwards and Upwards Right?

(Me on my 25th Birthday, the sign behind says "If you can dream it, you can do it")

See you guys next year! <3

Help a Volunteer Out!

Katimavik Volunteers/Participants now have to raise $1,000 in order to participate in the program. Now I don't know about you but it's a BIG challenge for some kids (for a ton of reasons, anxiety, introverts for example) to raise that amount.

Now I know that some people might come across my blog and wonder what they can do for these kids. Well, Let me tell you. If you go to --> HERE <-- you can support the next generation of Katimavikers! As of this post over half of these volunteers have nothing funded (according to their page, obviously I don't know their personal situation). So skip a coffee, ride your bike instead of taking the bus, every dollar helps.

I don't know, maybe you enjoyed my blog while I was away on my Katimavik journey and want to return the favour to someone else, kinda like a pay it forward situation? Perhaps you can donate to these kids with the knowledge that they will have life-changing journeys


Hey, I can give you something exciting? Yes? Does that work. I ask you to fund these new volunteers so I should give you something in return. How about some more stories? (I went through my groups' photos *obviously not all of them*) These all have some more stories that I will share below

Okay, so this photo is just a classic Katimavik photo. It's our first attempt at making bread! We were pretty successful... considering none of us had ever made bread before. We all worked in pairs, and Sterling and Willie named their bread "Bruce Willis". (Also another plug here, the Katimavik alumni are looking to make a cookbook for the new volunteers! If you have recipes from your time you can email them to alumni.ancient@katimavik.org until May 20th, 2018) 

Here are our last fleeting moments in Lethbridge. We presented Erin (our PL) with a card and gifts and such. Willie, Sterling, and Connor wrote her a song, and it was just a super emotional night. I remember just running around like crazy. Just before the bus (the moment that I remember) is that we were all laying on the front lawn with our heads on each other's stomachs and one of us just started laughing and it was a laughter chain. The last few weeks of Lethbridge have to be one of my favourite moments of the program, I felt like I was finally coming into my own and thriving.

We all went to a "fancy" dinner to celebrate our time in Lethbridge. It was at a Chinese Restaurant in downtown (I remember it being across from Galt Gardens). It was weird because we hadn't gone out as a giant group for a while, and it was nice to relax and enjoy each others company for the last few moments.

Here we are in Lake Louise. I am laughing my butt off because Morgan was telling me something about how I was being too serious (I think...doesn't really matter). So he gets down on one knee and starts to pretend to propose to me, keeps pulling my hand/hoodie towards him and I just can't help but laugh and Jills laughing at me. If you notice me red in the face it's because I am awkward in social situations!

This was a fascinating night? Canmore or Medicine Hat (I'm leaning towards Canmore) came to visit so they camped out in our backyard. We all volunteered at the BMX event in Lethbridge that weekend. We had a fire in our fire pit and brought out all these random chairs (can you see our beautiful sofa! We hauled that from the basement!) We made smores, played werewolf (still one of my favourite games), and we just enjoyed being young adults brought together by this weird program.

I picked this one for two reasons. 1) We had races through this giant inflatable maze thing that we were running at the Pumpkin Fest while we waited for the event to actually start. It was so much fun! I liked that we got to actually play with this thing before we had to get down to work. And 2) If you didn't already know, I'm a really white person. So do you see that tan I am rocking? Yes (if not the hints on my hobbit feet where you can see tan lines) well working at Birds of Prey in the sun all summer I wore the same length pants every day. Well...I didn't even think about it at the time and you're probably thinking huh? Well...tan lines are a thing. I had the weirdest tan line on my calf, like a leg farmers tan. It was awful. A year after Katimavik I still had the weird tan line on my leg!

This last one is my absolute favourite! It's blurry like that night. We had a traveling bard type figure named Andre who stayed with us a few nights (I honestly don't fully remember why) and he led us through a workshop. But we all decided to see if we could all fit into one of our bunk beds. Well Helena and I were originally sitting in my bed, and just one by one more people kept coming into the girls' room and before we knew it everyone was packed into my bed! See when kids get bored they come up with weird solutions! So for future reference (take note new volunteers) in those bunk beds, you can fit 11 volunteers, 1 traveling bard, and 1 Project Leader!

I've realized that all of these moments come from our time in Lethbridge...Maybe if I do this again I will focus on Quebec. I have to admit there's a ton of stories that I just didn't have the time or didn't think we're interesting/appropriate.

Donate to the new volunteers!

*Also new volunteers, I am totally 100% willing to answer your questions if you're reading this...I'm a real person that is wanting to help you in any way possible!*

#KatimavikIsBack

WHAT?! I have to admit when I saw the post on Facebook this morning I was a little skeptical. Like I would open it and it would be a twist of the truth like it was back but not really.

Click here for the official announcement of the return of Katimavik
Click here to see the video making the announcement

How do I get involved?! Let's hope that there will be a Katima-house around here. Not gonna lie if I could be a PL (Project Leader) I would immediately. Is that even a remote possibility? Also, can I still use the slang like PL or PSL or Katima-anything?

I'm so excited! This program was an amazing journey for me and I am so thankful that other youth will now get to experience this again.

(Cole, Jazz, Helena and I at Pumpkin Fest September 2011-Lethbridge)

You have left the group.

     Do you ever get this bit of nostalgia? You find a hand-written note with some inside joke, or a Facebook memory from six years ago pops up. For a moment you can relive that memory, all the love, hope, wanting, regret. But its just a moment. You can never have the memory back as whole as it once was. That's how I feel about Katimavik. It's like finding small notes that you had written to yourself but it feels like a stranger wrote these words, and the words seem cryptic. I honestly feel like such a different person than I was when I did Katimavik, but I also feel like I'm standing at the same cliff that I was at before I started the program. That fear of whats next.

(Group 41164 during our first week July 2011 in Galt Gardens)

     Its been far too long. Six years. Let that sink in now. This time six years ago I was sitting in an airport freaking out about meeting my family for the first time in six months, I was crying so hard because I didn't want to leave my Katima family. I started thinking about applying for Katimavik when I was in the ninth grade, and I started just after graduating high school, so about four years. I've been out of the program for longer than I thought about doing the program. It's weird to think about it like that. Time is just weird to me. 

     The band will never be back together. That's my guess. We're all so different now. I haven't talked to anyone in a very long time, I'm still upset with how some things ended with some of them, or I guess didn't end. But will I rectify this? No. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that silence and strangers seem to be the new reality. It's quite sad really but its true. I miss them, but I miss them as I knew them in 2011, who are they now? Okay, that's a bit melodramatic but come on, does creeping them on social media make a relationship? No. I feel like the creepy ex who just sits and cries at their Facebook pages wondering what happened. 

Whats new in my world? In the last year, what have I gotten up to...

(My graduation day!)

     I finally graduated University! I got my Bachelor of Arts as a History major with a concentration in British Studies. I only took out a small loan for my last year of studies because I wanted to be able to volunteer and just not hate my job. It's weird to think that I am the first of ALL my siblings to get a university degree. It still doesn't feel like it happened...like I'm a fraud? Is that weird, I just... it feels like even though I worked so hard and long for my degree it feels as though I have tricked my school into giving me my degree. Like I don't deserve it? LIke ahaha I have tricked you all. It's hard to step back and tell myself that I DO deserve it, that I worked hard and earned it. 

     Maybe the whole fraud thing has to do with the fact that I still cannot find a job within my field. I want to work in a museum or heritage or literally anything historical. Can I find this magic job...No. I've been looking and nothing. It's hard. I want a full-time job, I want to love what I do, I want to believe that my degree will help me with that. It's just hard when you feel like nothing is working for you. I just don't want to have to go back to my terrible old job but the reality is if I cannot find a job soon that might be the most practical possibility.  I know I'm a hard worker, I know that if someone will just give me that chance that I can prove to them that they hired a passionate, driven, and hardworking young woman.

(Graduation Celebration for myself and a volunteer at the Museum)

     I am still working/volunteering at the Pitt Meadows Museum. I love it there so much. I have done some amazing things there this year. The biggest was I got to help create and develop an exhibit for Canada at 150. That was amazing, especially when you get to see all of your hard work pay off in such a wonderful way. The exhibit was based on who we thought were influential Canadians, and all the staff got to pick a few people. I picked Emily Carr, Terry Fox, John McCrae, W.A.C. Bennett, and Pierre Trudeau. I also get to work on the children's programs, I (along with my favourite coworker) get to plan out the Museum Sunday programs. I never thought I would enjoy working with kids so much but its surprising even me. Makes me wonder what would have happened had I worked at the Family Centre in Lethbridge. This museum has been one of the greatest things ever, it's given me a place where I feel like I belong, I love what I am able to do there, and I love being there. This place is creating pretty high expectations for my forever job. I want a career in this.

(The Emily Carr portion of the display for Canada at 150)

     My sister got married this year, my other sister got engaged, and then there's me. It feels like everyone is moving on with their lives except me. I just feel stuck again like I cannot move forward and I don't want to go backward. I felt this way after I finished high school. The whats next? Where is my path headed? Can I do this? Then I left for Katimavik. But now feeling this way again, I don't have the luxury of this magical program again. I have to deal with the real world which isn't brightly coloured with Katimavik optimism.  What do I do now? What should my next step be? I feel so lost. 

                    Where do I go?

                         What does my path look like?

Where will I be five years from now?

     I want to live a life that I can feel proud of, a life that 2011 Keagan would love, a life that I can make my own. I just need to find this light to light my way again. Katimavik was my light after high school, what will be my light after University? I guess we shall see. This isn't really an optimistic note to end on now is it? I'm honestly more lost than I have been in my life. What do I do now? What is right for me? Will I find answers in 2018? 2019? 2020? Is there an answer? My life is a lot of coming to a cliff (Maybe I like that image the best) where every decision seems to change my life completely if I jump, if I stay, but the reality is that moving forward is always inevitable. I'm always moving forward.

Five years

It's weird to think that it has been five years since my Katimavik experience ended. Every time that I try to think about that and wrap my head around that I am not able to. Katimavik changed me. I wouldn't be the person I am today without this program. It helped give me focus, show me what I wanted (mostly) with my life, teach me how to be an adult and a functioning member of society. Katimavik was one of the best moments of my young life. I will end this on a positive note.

September 2011 in front of Lake Louise

Everyone in my group is doing well. Its quite obvious that some have gotten their lives together, and I'm proud of them. I miss them. We interact like most people over Facebook, a like here, a message there, but not much. It's sad. I messed up with my relationship with them. I want to talk to them. I miss them, they understood me but the question is would they understand me now? 

I'm proud of what I have been able to do this year. I left a job that I have hated (four years to get through school) and was able to be a part of a job that I loved. This summer I was lucky and I was able to work at a museum which is what I have always wanted to do. Although it was only for the summer it helped me realize what I want to do. If you want to read what I wrote about that experience you can read it on their blog (http://www.pittmeadowsmuseum.com/single-post/2016/08/11/Keagan-Rocks-the-Collections) Luckily I still volunteer at the museum and am trying to just breathe in and enjoy the experience!

My two best friends and myself this summer

I have finally been able to say that I am proud of where I am heading. 2017 is my year. By the end of 2017 I will be graduating (With a bachelor of art, major in history, with a concentration in British and Irish studies). I have a plaque that is going to be produced for the city of Vancouver (http://citystudiovancouver.com/projects/history/ My video is the Canadian Pacific Railway one), I will have helped produce an exhibit for the Pitt Meadows Museum for Canada's 150th anniversary, I will finally be able to move on from university and start my life (hopefully within a museum environment). It's terrifying, exhilarating, nerve-wracking, exciting, and so many more emotions that I cannot even begin to describe. 

Thank you Katimavik, my life would have no direction without the push that you gave me. I am the first member of my family that will graduate university. I want to experience my country once I graduate, see Alberta again, touch the Atlantic Ocean, visit Ottawa, See Northern Canada).

Katimavik, you are my everything, everyday I think about how much of an impact this program has had on my life. Everyday I think of the people that touched my life during this program. 

41164. I cannot imagine my life without your influence. I miss you.

If you want to find me you can always find me on tumblr ( keagerz.tumblr.com ) and maybe next year I will be writing again. It's nice to be able to reflect on my year, on my life, on where I am going. My life is coming together, I'm working on being happy. I'm working on me.

Are you guys ready to celebrate Canada's 150th?

Positive note.